I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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