I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
