wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
