peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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