The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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