my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
