I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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