Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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