And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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