I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
