I hope mine doesn't look like that
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
