Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
