in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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