this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
