He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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