Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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