I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
