Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
