My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
