I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
