I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
