she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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