I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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