Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
