If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
