I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
