Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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