So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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