I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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