Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
