i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
