Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
