we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
