There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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