You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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