dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
