When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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