Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
