I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize