dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
