I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
