Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
