we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
