The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
