I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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