Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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