Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
