listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
