I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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