I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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