i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Soap is not a condiment
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
