It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
