i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
