There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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