Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
