last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
