I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
