That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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