matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
