I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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