I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
