wrigley field is MILF paradise
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize